Mediation First

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I am always looking for common ground to build an agreement—if possible.  Often, just being able to air the issues in a non-judgmental environment with the mediator can be extremely helpful.  I may make suggestions, give information, or ask provocative questions if I feel it will be useful to your circumstances.

When couples have unrealistic demands and expectations, I can provide the neutral feedback that helps bring everyone back to reality.For example, one parent may assert that s/he should have sole legal custody of the children and the other parent should see the children one day a month.  (I have actually mediated cases in Family Court where this has happened.) Not only is that unrealistic, it is grossly unfair to the children and the parent who is being deprived of the children.

I was a family court mediator for many years, and know how the family courts work.  I would prefer that couples work out the agreements themselves because those last longer than the ones imposed by the court. Even if the mediation doesn't create a complete agreement, just reaching SOME agreements can be very helpful.  It reminds the couple that once they did get along, and they did work things out, and that even though there may be bitterness and hostility now, they can learn to act more business-like, especially if they share custody of children.